FIC: It's the Great Pumpkin, Lord Celeborn (LOTR)

[alexcat]

Title: IT’S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, LORD CELEBORN
Series: Elflords on Assignment
Author: Alex (alex_cat_45@yahoo.com)
Type: FCS and Gen
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own anything at all. The elves, Gandalf or The Great Pumpkin.
Warnings: silliness.
Pairing: Various-ish
Archive: Of Elves and Men
Author’s Note: Happy Halloween! It was this or sparkly vampires!
Summary: Gandalf has something for Celeborn and his friends to do for Halloween.

~~~

IT’S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, LORD CELEBORN


Celeborn was not at home when Gandalf rode into Caras Galadhon one fine autumn day. Haldir and his brothers met the wizard instead.

“We will take you to Galadriel, Master Gandalf. She will tell you where Lord Celeborn is.” He grinned as he said it.

Gandalf laughed. “That, my friend, is not very likely. She knows that I bring trouble and that her husband is always ready for it.”

Haldir laughed. “You do cause some problems for sure. What trouble did you bring him this time?”

Gandalf saw no harm in telling Haldir. “There is a rumor that has been circulating for many years of a pumpkin patch in Fanghorn Forest. Every year about this time, the god of all pumpkins visits this pumpkin patch for one magical night.”

Haldir could hardly contain his mirth. “Surely you jest, Gandalf. That is only a tale told for tiny tots.”

The wizard raised one eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

Haldir still was sure that Gandalf was joking but he said nothing more. Who was he to argue with a wizard, after all?

*

The Lady Galadriel saw Gandalf as he and Haldir entered the city.

“Wonder what that old rascal is up to this time?” She murmured to herself as she went to greet her guest.

Gandalf nodded to her as she came down the steps.

Her smile was indulgent, perhaps even a bit condescending. “Have you come to embroil poor Celeborn in another of your misadventures?”

“I have indeed, my dear Galadriel. Is he expected back soon?’

“He should be here by morning with those other miscreants in tow. Elrond and Glorfindel were with him. He said something about brandy. He indicated that they were going to Rohan but you know as well as I do that none of them have ever actually been to Rohan though they claim they have. In truth, no of them could find their bottoms with both hands.”

Gandalf looked delighted. “I wonder if Erestor is with them too,” he said to himself.

“He couldn’t find his either,” she said, making him aware that there was little that escaped the Lady of Lothlorien.

*

Lord Celeborn and his entourage arrived just before sunup the next morning.

“Glorfindel, you do not have to shout. You’re the loudest elf in the world, I do believe. Do your ears need washing? Has Erestor talked so much that your ears have ceased to function?” Elrond was complaining as the group came into the city.

Glorfindel shouted. “What? Speak up!”

Elrond just shook his head.

Erestor was indeed with them as they strolled into sight. He was behind the rest, carrying both Elrond’s and Glorfindel’s packs and leading Celeborn’s huge black horse.

Gandalf went out to meet them as Galadriel watched from above. She’d decided that she didn’t even want to know what Gandalf was up to. She ordered breakfast for all and went down to greet her husband.

*

“Great Pumpkin?” Elrond asked with complete disbelief.

Gandalf nodded, straight-faced.

“A pumpkin god?” Celeborn echoed Elrond’s disbelief.

Erestor mumbled something quite obscene while Glorfindel was strangely silent.

“When do we go?” Celeborn asked. His disbelief was only outweighed by his complete gullibility. Or perhaps it was just simple curiosity.

“We must be there on the last day of October. That is the night that the Great Pumpkin shows himself to those lucky enough to be there.”

“Sounds like a grand adventure to me.” Celeborn loved to explore places he did not know.

“I ought to know better but I shall go too.” Elrond said, sighing as he said it.

“WHERE HE GOES, ERESTOR AND I GO,” Glorfindel said loud enough that Elrond thought they could hear him back in Imladris.

“Very well. We shall leave at dawn,” Gandalf said he sat down at Galadriel’s fine table.

*

They set out the next morning for Fanghorn Forest.

Galadriel bid them farewell and refused to even listen to where they were going. “Just go. Do not tell me anything. It is better that way.”

After they’d been walking for a while, Celeborn asked Glorfindel, “Where is Thranduil?”

“His wife will not allow him to come with us for a while. He is grounded.”

Gandalf howled with laughter. Thranduil’s wife was a tiny Elven woman who managed quite well to force the elf king to her bidding… most of the time anyway.

“You obviously don’t have a wife,” Celeborn said to Gandalf. “Drink, anyone?” He pulled his flask from his pack. Elrond held out his hand for it.

When the sun was high in the sky, Elrond stopped and looked around them. The area was clear of everything but a few scraggly trees whose leaves had already fallen and some sparse brown grass.

“I’m hungry. Did we bring any food?” Elrond asked, looking hopefully at Gandalf, who just shrugged. Celeborn stopped and opened his pack. He had several loaves of Lembas bread and several bottles of wine.

“Anyone else?” Elrond asked as he helped himself to a piece of the Lembas.

Glorfindel has some apples in his pockets, enough for everyone. Gandalf offered some sweet treats that he carried for the children who eagerly greeted him everywhere he went.

Everyone looked at Erestor. He carried a pack as big as Celeborn’s.

“What?” He asked, backing up slightly.

“Let’s see what you have,” Elrond said as Erestor reluctantly handed him his pack. They all gathered around to see what Erestor had brought with him. He had a pack of dried meat along with some dried fruit, some carefully wrapped bread and even a bag of the Imladris cook’s delicious oatmeal cookies.

“It looks as if we have found our dinner,” Gandalf said, nabbing a cookie so quickly that no one could stop him.

They all sat down on the brown grass to eat. They passed one of Celeborn’s bottles around. They ate without much conversation then passed a second bottle of wine around. When that bottle was done, Gandalf rose.

“Time to go, my friends. The Great Pumpkin awaits.”

Soon, they were moving quietly down the path, each elf lost in his own thoughts. After an hour of walking, Celeborn said. “Gandalf, if we had the flying tube to travel by, my feet wouldn’t be hurting so much.”

“Oh, stop your complaining,” Elrond said. “This is the first exercise you’ve had since we aided the giant bunny.”

Quite loudly, Glorfindel said, “I wish Thranduil was here too.”

“Stop whining, you old goat,” Erestor said. Glorfindel stuck his tongue out at Erestor and moved up to walk beside Celeborn, nudging him now and again for a taste from his flask.

*

Fanghorn Forest was thick and rather menacing to anyone who wasn’t used to so many trees. It was also rather menacing to a group of half drunk, grumpy elflords led by a way too cheerful wizard of questionable motive. They walked for quite some time until they came to an opening in the thick forest. There was a pumpkin field in the middle of Fanghorn Forest! The whole field was covered in pumpkin vines and hundreds of pumpkins of all shapes and sizes.

“I’ve never seen anything like this! So many pumpkins,” Celeborn said.

“And you say a magical pumpkin will show up here?” Elrond asked.

“Indeed I do,” Gandalf answered him.

“And why are we here to see it?” Erestor asked.

“You had something better to do?” Gandalf asked.

Erestor crossed his arms and harrumphed.

They all moved toward the center of the pumpkin patch just as the sun began to set. They passed the rest of their food around then Celeborn opened a bottle of wine.

“Tell me again why we’re doing this?” Celeborn asked, as if the idea to ask just occurred to him..

Gandalf gave him a scathing look. Sometimes he thought Celeborn was not much brighter than a pumpkin himself. “Because I said so!”

Elrond laughed. “That should work for Celeborn. Galadriel uses that reason on him all the time and he never questions her.”

“I’m not sure even I would question the Lady Galadriel, Elrond,” Gandalf said as he sat back and lit his pipe. He made a few smoke rings and offered the pipe to Celeborn, who took a deep draw and sighed happily. It had been a long time since he’d shared a pipe with Gandalf.

Elrond sat between Erestor and Glorfindel as the three of them feasted on cake crumbs and wine. Elrond slapped at a hand behind him. “Glorfindel, you old goat, stop it. I’m not Thranduil.”

Erestor blushed and said nothing at all.

They sat quietly as the dusk turned to darkness then the moon rose, a bright full moon, casting an eerie light over the pumpkin patch. They elflords were drinking Celeborn’s last bottle of wine. Elrond had passed a bag around containing several tiny, delicious chocolates that he’d hidden in his cloak.

Just as Glorfindel began to nod off, Celeborn saw something coming across the field toward them. It looked like a giant glowing jack-o’-lantern slowly moving closer and closer. No one said a word. They all stared mutely as it came closer still, so close they could have touched it if any of them had dared to move. Its eyes, nose and jagged mouth looked as if they glowed from some inner fire within.

After a while, the pumpkin turned and left them, moving slowly in the direction from which it came. Everyone remained quiet for a long time after it moved out if sight.

They left for home at first light, sure they would never tell anyone what they’d seen the night before.

*

Several weeks later, Gandalf arrived in Mirkwood for a visit. He was immediately shown into King Thranduil’s private office.

“So how did it go?” Thranduil asked him.

“My dear Pumpkin King, we gave them a night they will never forget.”

Thranduil opened his desk drawer and pulled out two glasses and a bottle of his finest miruvor.

“A toast,” he said as he lifted his glass.

“To the Great Pumpkin.” Gandalf tapped the rim of his glass to Thranduil’s and smiled as they drank.

~end~